Most of us are winging it when it comes to relationships. The early phases of love are exhilarating, but as we settle into the daily grind, personal baggage begins to creep in, and we can find ourselves floundering in the face of hurt sentiments, emotional retreat, rising conflict, poor coping methods, and plain boredom. It's undeniable that forming and maintaining happy and healthy relationships is difficult.
However, a rising field of relationship study is increasingly providing science-based counsel on the habits of the healthiest, happiest couples — as well as how to improve any troubled relationship. The science of love and relationships, as we've learned, boils down to three essential concepts that are both simple and difficult to master: empathy, positivity, and a strong emotional connection drive the happiest and healthiest partnerships.
Keeping a strong emotional bond with your partner
"The most significant thing we've discovered in the last 35 years of developmental psychology, social psychology, and our lab's research is that emotional reactivity is the secret to loving relationships and maintaining them robust and lively over time, to falling in love again and again."
Keeping things positive
When partners do not engage in activities that promote optimism, emotional disengagement can easily occur. "When that happens, people feel as though they're drifting further apart until they don't even recognize each other."
Finding methods to compliment your partner on a daily basis, whether it's expressing your gratitude for something they've done or telling them explicitly what you like about them, is a good place to start. This practice can benefit your spouse in two ways. First, it affirms them and makes them feel good about themselves. Second, it serves as a reminder of why you choose that someone in the first place.
Don't simply listen to your heart, but also to your thinking.
When it comes to the brain and love, biological anthropologist and Kinsey Institute senior fellow Helen Fisher discovered that people who report high relationship satisfaction have three essential neuro-chemical components: practicing empathy, controlling one's feelings and stress, and maintaining positive views about one's partner.
Instead of continuously attempting to be right, partners in good relationships try to sympathize with each other and comprehend each other's views. "Keep your lips shut and don't act out," is a basic notion for managing stress and emotions.
If you can't stop yourself from becoming enraged, go to the gym, read a book, play with your dog, or phone a friend – anything to divert you from a destructive road. Maintaining favorable impressions of your partner, or "positive illusions," is all about limiting the amount of time you spend thinking about the bad parts of your relationship. "No relationship is perfect, and the brain is wired to remember the hurtful things uttered. But if you can put those things aside and focus on what matters, it's excellent for your body, mind, and relationship."
Happier relationships, happier life
The quality of a person's relationships, in the end, determines the quality of their life. "Good relationships aren't merely nicer and happier," says the author. "Knowing how to mend and maintain solid relationships makes us resilient." All of the clichés about how love makes us stronger aren't simply that; they're true. Our sole safety net in life is our connection with those who love and cherish us."