It's the simple things that matter in love relationships, as it is in so many other situations. Small, seemingly trivial gestures can help keep a relationship on track, just as a misspoken remark or strange look can drive a pair into a weeks-long fight. A small gift, an off-handed comment, or a brief physical contact can significantly improve a love relationship.
These small gestures of interest and affection, according to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the obstacles of romantic love relationships, can be more significant than all the "active listening" and trust games in the world. According to their findings, there are ten keys to keeping both couples comfortable, pleased, and happy with one another.
1. Tell your partner you love them.
Although actions speak louder than words, words frequently speak more plainly than actions. Every now and again, take a minute to express your feelings for your mate. A simple "I love you" or "You mean the world to me" can make your partner feel wanted, cared for, and comfortable in your relationship.
2. Show some affection.
Small acts of physical intimacy, such as brushing your hand against your partner's small of the back in the hallway, wrapping your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, placing your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, and holding hands while walking down the street, give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. Even the tiniest touch can be just as essential, if not more so, than the longest night of physical closeness.
3. Show appreciation for your partner.
Let your spouse know what you admire in them, what makes you proud of them, and what their strengths are in your eyes on a daily basis. Building a love relationship is about encouraging and supporting each other's progress over the length of your life, not just the initial bonding. Assist your partner in realizing his or her full potential by consistently encouraging them.
4. Share yourself.
Don't keep anything to yourself, including your loves and dislikes, hopes and worries, accomplishments and blunders. Share it with your partner if it's essential to you. More importantly, make it a point to share more with your partner than with anyone else. While some personal space is necessary for even the most intimate love relationships, offer your spouse as much of yourself and your time as you can.
5. Be there for your partner.
When your partner experiences a huge life challenge, such as the loss of a job or the death of a loved one, it's obvious what you should do. But it's just as vital to be there for your partner when they encounter life's tiny setbacks, such as a work disagreement, a difficult commute, or a misplaced check.
Don't be a doormat, and don't put up with physical or verbal abuse, but toughen your skin a little and be the voice of reason and calm when pandemonium arises. Listen to what they're going through and offer whatever assistance you can, even if it's just pity.
6. Give gifts.
Take advantage of opportunities to show your devotion with tangible gifts. Anything small or huge that shows you were thinking of them, such as the perfect book picked up at the bookshop, a particular meal, a piece of jewelry, or apparel you observed in the store. Leave a love letter for them or send them an "I love you" SMS at work — the small reminder that they're on your mind will make your spouse feel better about themselves and comfortable in your relationship.
7. Respond gracefully to your partner’s demands and shortcomings.
Unreasonable expectations are a major love relationship killer. Unless you married a robot, your mate comes with a slew of human flaws and foibles pre-installed. These are not defects, but rather features! Recognize and value your partner's peculiarities for what they are: an important element of who they are as individuals. Because our imperfections are often at the root of our deepest insecurities, don't single out or go out of your way to point out your partner's flaws.
8. Make “alone time” a priority.
Make a point of spending at least one evening a week or two alone together, no matter how busy both of your lives are. Have new experiences, tell each other tales, and simply enjoy each other's company.
9. Take nothing for granted.
Gratitude for your partner and the multitude of small blessings he or she has brought into your life should be cultivated on a daily basis. Remember that if you're in a happy love relationship, your spouse is doing a thousand little things for you every day to keep it going (as, hopefully, you care for them). Never take that for granted - a relationship takes a tremendous amount of work, and the moment you stop working on it, it begins to slip away.
10. Strive for equality.
In your love relationship, make sure you follow the Golden Rule: do unto your partner as you would have done unto yourself. Strive for a fair allocation of household duties and other responsibilities, and don't expect or demand anything in return that you wouldn't be ready to provide.